Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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