I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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