I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
