i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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