It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is Oprah even human
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
