While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
