Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
