I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
