JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
