When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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