I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
