I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
