Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
