you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
honey bunches of taint.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
