Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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