Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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