god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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