Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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