It's Friday. Sex?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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