U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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