he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
