The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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