I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
