Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
