...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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