no, he came in my armpit
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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