She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
