Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
