i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
