well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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