My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
