speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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