P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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