When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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