someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
