so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
