Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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