Your face is a jimmy john
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
