Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
