hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
