I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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