Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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