I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
