I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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