The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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