I just found puke in my bra..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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