guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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