covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
