Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
