i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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