Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
