I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
