She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
