Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I know her cup size but not her name....
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