M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
NoShamevember. You game?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
