I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
