I puked a lego.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Randomize
