i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
