know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
