Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
