Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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