You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
