just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
