Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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