Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
