this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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