i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
