wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize