It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
