He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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