guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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