careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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